Choose your battles, they say. I agree. Even on the days when I feel old, useless, powerless, overwhelmed and just plain fed up? Yes. On those days, I escape into reading an old favorite of mine, feel sorry for myself for a few hours, get some needed sleep, then move on.

Choose your battles. All right. Of all the grief coming down from all sides?  I can’t stand systems that force others to shut up. Systems based on lies, murder, torture, the brute force of instilling fear. Therefore? Therefore, when I start feeling cowed, I refuse to shut up, even if no one listens to what I say, or cares one way or another. C’est comme ça.

Yes, sometimes I shut up because even the weight of words feels like more than I can handle. I snap out of it pretty quickly. Some days feel like endless misery, but a lifetime runs out of days so quickly, you can’t waste too many of them wondering if you’re doing the right thing, did the right thing back then, should try something else,  must, really, but then, what if…

The writing comes slower on some days, almost drops off completely? C’est comme ça. For now, two thoughts: one for Asli Erdogan, jailed and on trial tomorrow, at risk of a life sentence for writing about the exactions committed by Turkish troops. I don’t know that petitions might help to free her. I do know silence won’t help her at all.

Second thought culled from an interview with Israeli historian Shlomo Sand. If you don’t think it takes some choosing of battles to be an Israeli historian deconstructing the myths in that country, what can I say? Move on, and don’t bother reading any further. Anyway, in this interview he gave to Humanité (in French, obviously), he says the man who translated  into Hebrew Howard Zinn’s  A People’s History of the United States did so from a jail cell, because he was a conscientious objector.

Choose your battles. Feeling powerless and useless is part of the highs and lows in the hormonal flow. The highs are more fun than the lows. You bet. Mais c’est comme ça.

End of my pep talk to myself. If it’s of any use to someone else, so much the better.